oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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