I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize