Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
