dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
