Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
