I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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