i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
