after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Are we still banned from the library?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
