Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
