Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
