I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
