I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
