omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
