Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
