and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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