I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
