Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
