The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
