david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
