With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
