You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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