I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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