Moan for me like Helen Keller
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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