You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
