first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We had sex on a dog bed..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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