idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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