I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
