After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
