xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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