I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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