We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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