Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
