I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
