Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize