you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
