Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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