How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize