True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
