Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
