My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Less talking, more tequila
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
