So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
