There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
