First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
