Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
smell my finger.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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