literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
being pregnant is like rehab
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
