Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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