I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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