why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
