...so i touched it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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