don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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