I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
