made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
