So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
