I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
