I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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