She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
