1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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