shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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