he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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