we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize