Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize