THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
