just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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