The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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