Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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