Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
