She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
