All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
