Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
