Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
