I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
