did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize