There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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