dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
