I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
