dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
