I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
