mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
