I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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