Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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