wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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