Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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