THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
