i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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