guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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