Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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