he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His nipple licking is glorious
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