I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
