I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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