Only a mothe r could love this liver
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
