Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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