Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
