just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
