Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
im on a boat
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